While digging out some carrots and beets for tonight’s Sunday pot roast, we discovered a zucchini that had been hiding in a back corner of the planter box. Ignored, it grew to a ridiculous size.

We prefer to pick them when they’re much smaller, when they can be sliced lengthwise, lightly brushed with oil and herbs, and grilled for precisely 30 seconds on each side.

Monsters like this are really only good for one thing. We will bark our knuckles during the hours we will spend grating and freezing a winter’s worth of what is essentially a moistening agent.